I accidentally fell in love.

This is a love story. It's not your typical love story. I call it...

Love Accidentally.

I was one of those homeschoolers who was raised on classic books and firmly believed that she would follow in the steps of Laura Ingalls Wilder or any of those girls who got married before they turned 20. I didn't really like school and I figured that I probably wouldn't really need college because I'd be married by 18. When I turned 17, I started to realize that it was 2004, not 1904, and most likely I would have to go to college. If you go to college, you'd better have a plan in mind! I wasn't good at math, unlike my brother. Engineering was definitely not in my future. I couldn't draw, so art was out of the question. I knew I would not make a good nurse, so following my mom was not an option. What was left? Teaching! Perfect! After all, it is the 21st Century, so I could afford to bide my time and get some more education before leaving it all to be the only thing I ever wanted to be: a wife and mother of 9 children, 8 boys and 1 girl to be be exact. And anyway, whatever I learned in college would be applicable to homeschooling a whole bunch of kids, so that's why I decided to become a teacher.

Most people talk about their "calling" to be a teacher and how they knew that that's all they wanted to be. During seminars and teacher talks, teachers will talk about that moment when they knew they were called to become a teacher. Teachers love to ask each other what made them want to be a teacher. And then there's me. Why did I want to become a teacher? Uh. I didn't? or Uh...because I figured it would be a good way to bide my time before I left it all to be a stay-at-home mommy? I honestly never had that "moment" when I just knew that "touching lives for eternity" was something I wanted to invest in. Sure, I liked kids (probably liked their books more), and it would be fun to play with kids all day. That was as "confirming" as it got. I had no epiphanies or an insatiable love for children.

Fast forward to my fifth-ish year teaching. My "moment" did eventually come. It came while I was already teaching. I don't have an exact instance, but I know that I learned I wanted to teach for the sake of teaching after I was already a teacher. Better late than...later, huh?

I fell in love with teaching, but I hadn't meant to.

I moved up to high school this year. When I was in college, I thought 3rd grade would be my max. The next year I was moved to 6th grade. Two years after that, I found myself teaching 10th. It's so different teaching high school after having taught grade school! Teaching is so much more than all those papers I check. It's so much more than all the texts I send to parents. Teaching is more than the hours I pour into reading up on literature I've never heard of, literary terms I vaguely remember not paying attention to, researching skills I had no idea were essential for every high school graduate. It's also not just the 45 minutes standing in front of 20-some lanky teenagers, dispensing information that is supposed to help prepare them for the future. That only represents a small piece of what it means to teach. If that was all that comprised teaching, I would never have fallen in love with it.

Teaching is also the hours spent after class with brokenhearted teenagers crying over a reading assignment you assigned because you hoped and prayed that it would go deeper than academics, yet you never really believed a teenager would really take it seriously. Teaching is also the times you spend during lunch break just chatting with the kids, getting to know their other interests. It's the moments that you push away the stack of papers that is obviously filling up your desk and must be returned the very next day as you say, "Of course I'm not too busy. What's up?" when a girl with red eyes comes to ask you about how to do what she knows is right, yet she knows it will hurt her very much. Teaching is about sacrifice--when you have so much to do and yet you go to the boys' basketball team because you know that boys will work harder for you when they know you also care about what interests them. Teaching is about modeling love--unconditional love--grace, sacrifice, humility, and kindness. You can't talk about those things if you don't show them that you abide by those things too.

Teaching is scary. Teaching is tough. I've seen more of the ugliness of myself as I've taught these kids. If I want to win students to Christ, I have to live Christ-like before them. I have to try to point them toward a glorious and beautiful Savior. I ask them questions to try to stir them up to think about things that really matter. How do you manage your time? How much do you pray? How far are you willing to go in obedience to Him? How much do you love Him? These are all questions that I throw at my students, and then, like a curve-ball, the same questions hit me in the face and I'm forced to ask myself the same questions. Do I love Him supremely above all else? Do I hunger and thirst after righteousness? I see how feeble I am and how far I fall short of His standard. How little I love Him. It's so humbling to be a teacher, and I see how much more I need to be like Mary and spend time at the feet of the master Teacher.

A decade ago, my life was all planned out. I smile at how God takes those "silly" plans and changes them, sometimes breaking me and molding me painfully in the process, to give me what I really need. I don't know how He's going to use me in the lives of these children, but I'm so excited. I love being a teacher. I love that part of teaching is being taught every single day. Though I'm scared as I feel the weight of this trust and stewardship, I'm grateful for how God has orchestrated the events in my life to give me this opportunity to serve in this capacity. Maybe one day I will get my childhood "dream job," (minus the 9 kids part!) but I'm thankful that God has allowed me to be part of of helping raise 235 (and counting) children, even though my initial reason for becoming a teacher was a little off.

I accidentally fell in love with teaching.